1
There once was a husky young Viking
Whose sexual prowess was striking.
Every time he got hot
He would scour the twat
Of some girl that might be to his liking. 1947
2
There was a young fellow named Veach
Who fell fast asleep on the beach.
His dreams of nude women
Had his proud organ brimmin'
And squirting on all within reach. 1947
3
There was a young fellow named Bill
Who took an atomic pill.
His navel corroded,
His asshole exploded,
And they found both his nuts in Brazil. 1948
4
There was a young man of Madras
Whose balls were constructed of brass.
When jangled together
They played "Stormy Weather,"
And lightning shot out of his ass. 1938
5
There was a young man of Kildare
Who was fucking a girl on the stair.
The bannister broke,
But he doubled his stroke
And finished her off in mid-air.1927
6
The prick of a young man of Kew
Showed veins that were azure of hue.
It's head was quite red
So he waved it and said,
"Three cheers for the red, white, and blue." 1941
7
There was a young lady
named Mable
Who liked to sprawl out on the table,
Then cry to her man,
"Stuff in all you can---
Get your balls all in too, if you're able." 1943
8
There
was a young man named McGurk
Who dozed off one night after work,
He had a wet dream
And awoke with a scream
Just in time to give it a jerk. 1927
9
A
well hung dentist named Stone
Saw all his patients alone.
In a fit of depravity
He filled the wrong cavity,
And my, how his practice has grown! 1945
10
There
was an old man of Decatur,
Took out his red-hot pertater.
He tried at her dent,
But when his thing bent,
He got down on his knees and he ate 'er. 1927
11
There
was a young fellow named Meek
Who invented a lingual technique,
It drove women frantic
And made them romantic,
And wore all the hair off his cheek. 1945
12
There
was a young man named McFee
Who was stung in the balls by a bee.
He made oodles of money
By oozing pure honey
Every time he attempted to pee. 1943
13
A
pathetic appellant at Reno
Was as chaste as the holy Bambino,
For she'd married a slicker
Who stuck to his liquor
And scorned her ripe maraschino. 1947
14
There
was a young man of Madras
Who was fucking a girl in the grass,
But the tropical sun
Spoiled half of his fun
By singeing the hair off his ass. 1928
15
There
was a young man from Saskatchewan
Whose pecker was truly gargantuan.
It was good for large whores,
And small dinosaurs,
And sufficiently rough to strike a match on. 1952
16
There
was a young person of Kent
Who was famous wherever he went.
All the way through a fuck
He would quack like a duck,
And he crowed like a cock when he spent. 1951
17
There was a young plumber of Leigh
Who was plumbing a maid by the sea.
Said the maid, “Cease your plumbing,
I hear someone coming.”
Said the plumber, still plumbing, “It's me.”
18
There was young man from Crete
Who could shoot cum way 'cross the street
A chemist named Kelly
Would bottle the jelly
And sell it as 'Extract of Meat'.
19
A soldier known only as Sarge
Had sex with a hooker named Marge
Though only a grunt
He assaulted her cunt
And gave her a hon'rable discharge.
20
There once was a wonderful wizard
Who had a fierce pain in his gizzard.
So he drank wind and snow
At forty below
And farted a forty mile blizzard.
21
There was a young man named Houdini,
Who spilled some gin on his weenie.
So just to be couth,
He added vermouth,
Then slipped his girl a martini.
22
A certain young fellow named Dick
Liked to feel a girl's hand on his prick.
He taught them to fool
With his rigid old tool,
Till the cream shot out, white and thick. 1941
23
There was a young curate of Kew
Who kept a tom-cat in a pew.
He taught it to speak
Alphabetical Greek,
But it never got further than Mu.
24
The Reverend Henry Ward Beecher
Called a girl a most elegant creature.
So she laid on her back
And, exposing her crack,
Said, "Fuck that, you old Sunday School Teacher!" 1948
25
There once was a man named of Sweeny
Who dribbled some gin on his weenie.
Not being uncouth,
He added vermouth,
And slipped his wife a martini.
26
There was a young man named Macgruder,
Who had a fair lass and he woo'ed her.
She thought it was lewd,
To be woo'ed in the nude,
But Macgruder was shrewder and screwed her.
27
The limerick, peculiar to English,
Is a verse form that's hard to extinguish,
Once congress, in session,
Decreed it's suppression,
But people got around it by writing the last line without any rhyme or meter.
28
I hear they have started a test run
On Liquid Viagra. When all done,
A fella will say,
At the end of the day:
"Hey, Baby, go pour me a stiff one."